Alone
by Lu78
Summary: Carby angst, but will it end that way
1. Chapter 1

She stood by the window in the lounge watching the day pass her by. She stood there in hope that he would appear back round the corner saying it was all a big mistake. She knew it was not going to happen. He had left her three days ago, en route to Africa. They had an argument just before he left and had never made up. It was silly to argue but they were things that needed to be said.  
He had kept her hurt and alone. She had rushed to the airport to catch him and say sorry but she was too late. She had missed him by the matter of minutes. Why couldn't she just swallow her pride? She was too stubborn, just like her father.  
Three days had past and she had worked through, hardly talking to anyone. Only talking when it was needed. She could not take the sympathy stares from friends. Or the constant, 'Are you okay.' So she avoided people as much as she could.  
She did not hear the lounge door open. Susan stood watching her best friend fall apart. She watched as Abby brought her hand up to wipe away a rogue tear that had managed to escape from her saddened eyes. "Abby," Susan let her know that she was there in the room with her. Abby jolted with the sound of Susan's voice. "You don't need to do this on your own."  
"Yes I do." Abby replied before heading out of the lounge. An ambulance had drawn up and she was off to help in someone else's trauma. Dealing with other people helped to take her mind off her own problems.  
Later that afternoon Weaver caught up with Abby. "Abby, can you cover nightshift for me?" Kerry spoke to the young nurse. "Chuny has just called in sick."  
"Sure Kerry." Well, it did mean she did not have to go home to the quiet of her apartment. "Anything else?"  
"Yeah, are you okay?"  
  
"I wish people would stop asking me that." Abby said before walking away. She found herself walking into the drug lock-up. Best do and inventory for that night. She smiled when she thought of the last time she and Carter had been in the lock-up together. He had been nuzzling her neck trying to get her attention. She was doing her best to ignore him but she could not for very long. She turned in his arm's and kissed him long and passionately on the lips. 'God how I wish he was here.'  
  
The following morning Susan entered the ER. The first person she saw was Abby. She looked terrible. Was that not the same top she was wearing yesterday. Surely she had not been here all night. Then she spotted Kerry. "Kerry, has Abby been home recently?" Susan spoke out of concern for her friend.  
"She worked night shift last night for me." Kerry said looking over that day's schedule. She was not only a doctor down but now two nurses.  
"Yeah but she started at six yesterday morning. She looks shattered." Susan said taking her coat off. "Take it last night was busy?"  
"Chen said they didn't get a minute. Susan I'm sire she'll be fine." Kerry replied before hobbling away to a patient.  
Susan watched Abby for another minute before going into the lounge to hang up her coat. Abby opened the door and made her way across to the coffee maker. "Morning."  
"Hi Susan." Abby replied as she poured herself a cup of the scolding hot liquid. "Last night was a nightmare. Trauma after trauma. Glad it's quiet now."  
"You off?" Susan enquired. She put her arm through the white of her lab coat. She liked the feeling of the coat.  
"No, not till three." Abby said wearily.  
"But you've been here since six yesterday morning."  
"The perks of being nurse manager. See you later Susan." Abby said making her way back out of the room. 


	2. Chapter 2

Taken from Susan's point of view -  
  
It's been a week since he's been gone and she looks worse than ever. Why won't she talk to us. Talk to someone. Watching her as she fights with her inner demons is killing me. She's my best friend and even I don't know how to help her. She has stopped talking all together apart from when dealing with patients. She has worked every day since he left. She looks like she hasn't' ate or slept since he was gone either.  
I walked into the lounge that morning and stopped. She was asleep on the couch. She didn't look at peace though. I remembered back to when I would walk in and find them both asleep on the couch, carefully waking them so Weaver didn't catch them. Her face seemed contorted in anger. Who was she angry with? Probably herself. I know she went to the airport but she never said anything when she got back. I reckon she didn't see him, maybe it was all for the best. But what had happened to the golden couple of the ER.  
She started to stir and I quickly disappeared out the room before she saw that I had been watching her. Abby come back to us and let us help you.  
  
Abby's point of view -  
  
Well at least I've slept, not all that well but I slept. I was dreaming of him again. We were lying on a beach in Barbados. I was trying to get some sun about my white body. He was lying beside me reading some medical journal. Trust him, even in my dream, he's working. Slowly his hand had sneaked across and planted itself on my stomach. 'I'll have a white mark there if you don't move it' I had remarked but he had only smiled.  
I got up from he couch and almost fell straight back down. I had been feeling like this for a few days now. I put it down to not eating, sleeping and working too much. But when the nausea hit me I began to think something else. I bolted from the lounge to the nearest bathroom and puked up the coffee that lay in my stomach. Nothing else there to bring up. What if I was pregnant? Nah, I couldn't be. We had always been careful. Wait a minute there was that one time in the shower, the need had taken us. I'll have to take a test. If only he was here with me.  
  
Later in the afternoon Abby and Susan were working on a eight year old girl. "Well Michelle, I think we will have to send you up to x-ray. I think you have a broken ankle. But don't worry, we can put a cool cast on it for you. Can't we Abby?"  
"What, oh yes, any colour you want." Abby answered Susan. She seemed distracted by something and Susan couldn't put her finger on it.  
"Abby phone call for you." Frank called from the desk.  
  
"Thanks Frank." Abby lifted the telephone. "Hello."  
  
"Is this Abby Lockhart?" The voice sounded official.  
  
"Yes I am." Abby started to play with the chain around her neck. She did that when she was nervous. Susan watched from where she stood with Michelle.  
"Do you know a Dr John Trueman Carter?"  
  
Abby took a deep breath before answering. "Yes, what is this about?"  
  
"Miss Lockhart you are on Doctor Carter's list as his next of Kin." Abby gasped and dropped the phone. She didn't need to hear any more. She ran from where she had been standing to the nearest bathroom.  
Susan, shocked by what she had seen walked to the phone and picked it up. She could hear the mans voice on the other side, calling for Abby. "I'm sorry, Abby left suddenly, I'm Doctor Susan Lewis can I be of any help?"  
"I'm calling from Africa. I was asked to inform Miss Lockhart that Doctor Carter is missing. She was his next of kin."  
"What do you mean missing. Is he dead?"  
"We don't know ma'am. We are still looking for him. I will call if there is anymore news. Thank you." The man hung up the phone. Susan stood stunned at what she had just heard.  
  
She walked to the bathroom where she had seen Abby run into. She could hear Abby crying in one of the stalls. "Abby, come out."  
"No, leave me alone Susan." Abby wailed. She didn't need any of this right now. Everyone had been around the admit desk when that phone call had come in. They were all going to know that he was gone. Her beloved Carter was dead. She hadn't even said good-bye, or told him that she loved him. What would she do with out him. Another wave of nausea hit her. She bent over the toilet bowl and wretched. There was nothing in her stomach to bring up, but still she wretched.  
"Abby, let me in. Let me help you." Susan pleaded outside. She couldn't stand to hear her friend like this.  
Abby breathed heavily trying to supress the wave of sickness hitting her like a tonne of bricks. "Susan please. Just. leave." Then she burst into tears. She couldn't' take anymore. She was done. She just wanted someone to wrap their arms around her and tell her everything was going to be okay. The main person she wanted was never going to be there again.  
The stall door slowly opened. Abby appeared sobbing. Susan held out her arms and let her best friend fall into them. "It's all right sweetie. They'll find him."  
"What do you mean?" Abby tried to talk. From what she had got from the phonecall, he was dead.  
"Abby, he's missing not dead. He'll be fine. You know that." Susan rubbed Abby's back, trying to soothe her.  
"I don't though Susan. What if I never see him again. We parted on bad terms. I didn't get a chance to tell him I loved him."  
"He knew Abby. Believe me he knew. He spoke to me the night before he left and told me to keep an eye on you. You were so special to him."  
"Susan, I'm pregnant." Abby blurted it out. She didn't know for definite but there was no other excuse for it.  
"What, are you sure?"  
"Not 100% but yeah. But I can't do it on my own. I need him. I'm a mess without him."  
"Abby you have to let people help you. You know that I am here for you. I'll do anything I can to help you out in what ever way you need. Don't worry about a thing." Susan told her.  
Abby collapsed into Susan's arms again. It was nice to feel wanted. Abby didn't know what she would have done in that bathroom if Susan hadn't come along. 


	3. Chapter 3

Susan's POV  
  
So there it was my best friend was pregnant with my other best friend's child. The only problem was he was missing in action. Why had he gone to Africa? Why couldn't he just stay and be with her? Abby was missing him like crazy. Nothing anyone said made her feel any better. I was doing my bit, trying to help her through but I wasn't Carter. That was whom she needed.  
We finally managed to get her to go home after that phone call. She was devastated when she thought he was dead. When I explained he was just missing she let out a little sigh of relief but it wasn't what she wanted to hear. She wanted to hear that he was on the next plane home. Abby was pregnant with his child and all she had told me was that she wanted to be in his arms and never leave them ever again.  
It's my turn to go over to hers tonight. We have each been taking turns to see her every night. Even Weaver took a turn. There seems to be a bond between the two of them. Something must have happened but no-one else knows.  
  
So anyway I reached her apartment around seven thirty. I could see light shining from the living room window. If I knew Abby she would be sitting in front of the TV watching some sappy love story movie. I used the key Carter had given me to open the door. I climbed the steps and made it to outside her apartment. No noise came from inside. Not even the TV. I opened her apartment door and quietly walked in. Maybe she was in the bath. But no, there she was lying on the sofa sound asleep. She looked peaceful this time. There was even a hint of a smile on her face. Her hand lay protectively over her stomach.  
  
Abby's POV  
  
I woke when I heard the kettle on in the kitchen. At first I thought maybe it was him, but no I was deluding myself yet again. He wasn't here. He was lost somewhere in Africa. Why did you have to go John? I am pregnant with your child. I am sorry for all the things I said to you, sorry for all the things I did to hurt you. promise that if you come home to me I will never hurt you ever again. I just want you to lie beside me and feel our child growing inside me.  
Susan did an ultrasound for me. I turns out I am almost three months gone. God and I was the OB nurse. You would think I would recognise the symptoms. I have found myself walking round the apartment with my hand on my stomach. It has not grown yet and in a way I do not want it to. If it grows and he is not here to enjoy that with me then it will make me even more sad. He does not know that I am pregnant but if he did I am sure he would have been on the first flight home to be by my side.  
Please come home to me John. I love you and miss you. I cannot do this on my own. 


	4. Chapter 4

Susan's POV  
It's late when I get back to the hospital. I had gone out for dinner and then checked on Abby before my shift started at eight. I was pulling a double and not for hte first time.  
Abby is still off and it's good for her. I think anyway. Although she says she is going crazy in the apartment all day by herself. He's been gone over a month now, missing for three weeks. We haven't heard anything from the official's across there for over a week.  
She's starting to show. Just a little bump but it's somethign. It's given her something to live for. She has even talked about doing up her second bedroom as a nursery. She cried the night she told me she wanted to do that. When I asked her why she was crying she told me it ws because she had imagined John and her doing it together.  
  
Chuny's POV  
Susan's just came in for her shift. She looks tired. No wonder really, She's been doing double shifts and she's looking after Abby. It has to be hard for her too. She loved him for so long. Well maybe love is too strong a word. She cared a lot about him and now he was missing. The mood in the hospital is dim. No-one seems happy anymore  
I went to see Abby yesterday. She looks great consdiering. She's even started to grow. This little bump protruding from her top. She hope to come back to work soon. She doesn't like being int he apartment all the time on her own. She told me she'd be back at work before the week was out no matter what Weaver said.  
  
Malik's POV  
I wish Abby would come back. I miss her. Her smile, her laugh. Don't get me wrong, I don't fancy her. She is just a great mate. Always there when you need her. SO was he. I miss him too. I miss how he cracked jokes at inappropriate times. I even miss seeing the two of them together. Sneaking little glances at one another, stealing kisses when they thought no-one was watchign. I hope they find him.  
  
Abby's POV  
I'm going stir crazy. I have to get back to work. Everyone has been so nicew coming to visit me but I have to get back to work. Sittign around the house all day is making me miss him even more. I now there will be reminders in the hospital but ther will also be other distractions. I told Chuny yesterday that I'll be back by the end of the week. just have to clear it with Kerry first. She looked so sad when she was told I was pregnant. I couldn't tell her myself but that first night when she came to visit me, it was so obvious. Who could blame her? She miscarried her much wanted child and I had been there to help. Now I was the pregnant one. Life seemed so unfair sometimes. 


	5. Chapter 5

Kerry's POV  
She came back to work two weeks ago. She is glowing from her pregnancy. At almost five months pregnant, she looks great. She isn't letting it control what she does at work. She is working as hard as ever, possibly even harder as if she is trying to prove something to us all. I am giving her the benefit of the doubt and letting her work all he hours she wants but when I see her weary, I will tell her to go home. She can fight me all she wants.  
  
Abby's POV  
I am back and it feels great. I still miss him more than life. I hurts so much sometimes but being back here and working is great. Everyone has been so nice, but there is no more sympathetic glances or people asking if I am okay. Baby is doing great. I have grown a bump. It feels strange touching it. My baby, his baby, is growing in there. I was asked at my last ultrasound I wanted to know what sex the baby is. I said no. I want to wait. The surprise and suspense of it all. I have asked Susan to be my birthing partner. I don't know what would have done without her all this time.  
He has been missing for almost two months now. We haven't heard anything for a while but I put that down to good news. It means they are still looking for him. I want them to find him. Find him in time for the birth of his first child. Our child. He or she will be beautiful. As long as he or she has his sense of humour I do not care.  
I am starting to take things a little easier but not so much. I love my work. Helping people, dealing with other peoples problems. It's the best job in the world. It can also be the most tiring job in the world. I know Kerry is going to insist I take things easy in a few week's time. But I will fight her all the way.  
  
Susan's POV  
Abby asked me to be her birth partner. Me. I said yes. I am so excited for her, but saddened for her too. She is missing Carter a lot although she doesn't say much about it. I can tell. Watching her in the lounge sometimes, she will stand by his locker, not doing anything, just stand. There has been days where she has worn one of his sweaters to work just for the closeness of him I think.  
I have met a new man too. I didn't want to tell Abby in the beginning in case it brought back to many new memories of when she and Carter first got together. His name is Scott and he is lovely. He understands everything about he Abby situation. He isn't a doctor and that's great. He does not understand how I can work all day with sick people. I tell him I can't understand why he wants to work with numbers all day. He is an accountant. We just have a laugh. I don't' know whether it's serious but it could be. 


	6. Chapter 6

Malik's POV  
I walked into the lounge today and she was asleep on the sofa. She looked so peaceful but I knew I would have to wake her. Weaver was on the war path. We were so short staffed at the moment it was unbelievable. I sat on the edge of the couch and gave her a little shake. She stirred and opened her eyes. She looked so beautiful. "Guess Weavers looking for em?" She asked me. I nodded. She grabbed my hand and placed it on her stomach. I could feel it. Her baby kicked me. It was such a strong feeling. Going to be a soccer player, I told her. She just smiled and then asked if I would help her up off the sofa. She has started waddling instead of walking but then again she is seven months pregnant.  
She started smiling again which pleased me. But it isn't her smile. There is sadness in her eyes. She is hurting inside and no-one can take that away from her. Only one man can and they still haven't found him.  
She tells me thanks you for helping her and walks out of the lounge. I just wish I could help her more.  
  
Kerry's POV  
I watched her as she came out of the lounge. She looked tired. I would have to talk to her. She needed to start taking things easy. She was pregnant and under and immense amount of pressure. She wouldn't give in. She wanted to work. But I saw the look in her eyes when she walked into trauma one. It was seemingly the first place she and Carter had kissed. This place was full of so many memories. It wasn't the first time I had caught the two of them having a sneaky kiss in an empty exam room or in the supply cupboard.  
I will talk to her later, let her finish her shift and then suggest cutting back her hours. I know she will tell me no. She didn't like being at home alone. Her family were not around and even if they were they would not be any help. His family did not like her. Well, his mother did not anyway and his father had not been in contact for a while. The only one that had liked her was his grandmother but she was no longer here. I will talk to her later.  
  
Abby's POV  
Well, I have just finished a long shift and then had a talk with Kerry. She wants me to cut back on my hours and for once I think I will agree. I cannot handle difficult situations and working long hours anymore. I get so tired, tired enough to fall asleep in the middle of the shift and having to have Malik wake me. He is such a sweet guy. He told em today that my baby was going to be a good soccer player. I let him feel the baby kick. He or she is kicking a lot and sometimes it can be painful but in a loving way. I could not do without this baby now. It's my only lifeline to him. 


	7. Chapter 7

No-ones POV  
Abby was rushed in this morning and taken straight up to OB. It was finally time for her baby to be born. The staff in the ER were all very excited. They went about their business but came back to the admit desk after every patient to see if there had been any news. Jerry was keeping everyone informed. Susan was calling down from OB just to let them know progress or lack of it.  
Around two in the afternoon someone walked into the ER. No-one was really paying any attention. Until he spoke. "Hey guys!"  
Jerry, Malik and Chuny all looked up. "Oh my God!" Malik could not believe who stood in front of him. "Carter."  
"Yeah, it's me." Chuny practically threw herself into his arms. No- one could believe it. He was back. "Is Abby working today? I went passed the apartment and no-one was there so guessed she would be here."  
"Well she's here but not working." Kerry said walking up behind him. "Doctor Carter, it's great to see you. You gave us all a fright. You've been missing for so long." Kerry hugged the younger doctor. She had to admit she had missed him.  
"Yeah I got lost and then there was a little bit of fighting and I've been hiding out in he mountains. Now what did you say about Abby?" If she wasn't working, why was she at the hospital.  
"She's upstairs having your baby." Malik was quick to speak.  
"She's what?" Everyone nodded at him. "Susan's with her. She was brought in this morning. She has missed you so much Carter." Jerry informed him.  
"She's having my baby. have I been away that long?" Carter couldn't believe what he was being told. The woman he loved was having his baby and he wasn't there. He had missed her so much. Their fight before he left was silly. He wanted to call so many times and tell her he was sorry but then he had been caught up in the war.  
He ran to the stairs and too them two at a time to reach OB. "Abby Lockhart please." He said when he saw a nurse.  
"She's in delivery one. You can't go in though." He walked to the door of delivery room one and watched what was going on.  
  
Inside the delivery room.  
  
"Abby you are doing wonderfully." Doctor Coburn complemented. "On the next contraction I want you to push OK."  
"Susan I want John." Abby cried. She wanted it to be him standing there holding her hand. She was very appreciative towards Susan but she wanted her man, her boyfriend, the man she loved beside her.  
"I know you do honey, but he's not here. You can do this. I know you can." Susan encouraged her.  
Abby felt another contraction coming. "AAAAARRRRRGGHHHHHHHH. John where are you. Why aren't you here." Abby screamed as Doctor Coburn counted to ten.  
"That's it Abby, stop pushing right now. The heads out. On your next push, your baby will be here." Abby pushed again, squeezing Susan's hand. A small cry was heard. "Congratulations Abby, you have yourself a beautiful little girl."  
"Let me see her." Abby panted. She was so tired, but the thought of her daughter was keeping her going. Doctor Coburn held up the little baby so Abby and Susan could see her. Her little red face was all scrunched up. She looked angry. The doctor took her over to the table to clean her up and weigh her before handing her to her mother. "Susan, you'd better go and call down the stairs and let them know." "Okay. You did brilliantly." Susan kissed her friend's forehead before leaving the room to get the shock of her life. 


	8. Chapter 8

Susan's POV  
I cannot believe what I have just witnessed. My best friend has just given birth to a beautiful little girl. Abby did so well. She shouted on John a lot but then who wouldn't. She had called me at six o'clock this morning informing me that her waters had broken. I jumped in the car and picked her up. We were at the hospital in no time and with everyone wishing her luck in the ER we headed up here to OB.  
It was now my duty to call down stairs to let them know about the newest member of the ER family. But wait who was this stopping me. "OH MY GOD!"  
  
Back to no-one's POV  
  
"Hi Susan." He was so calm. He had just seen his child brought into he world. It was through a glass window but he had been there.  
Susan threw herself into his arms, crying tears of relief. "Where the hell have you been?" Susan asked impatiently. "Do you realise what you have put us all through?"  
"I know. I am so sorry, but I had no way of getting any news out. How is she?" He asked pointing through the window to where the love of his life lay awaiting to hold her child for the first time. He watched as Doctor Coburn placed the little bundle wrapped in pink into Abby's Arms. "I have a daughter?"  
"Yeah you do." Susan couldn't stop the tears flowing. "John she has missed you so much. We all thought at open point she was going to kill herself. But then the pregnancy happened. It's the only thing keeping her going."  
"I don't know what to say to her when I see her."  
"Trust your instincts." Susan said opening the e door to the room for him.  
  
"Hi baby girl, you are so beautiful." Abby cooed down to her baby. She was not aware of anyone entering the room. "Your daddy would have loved you so much. Just like I love you. Just like he loved me." Abby let the tears slip down her cheeks again.  
"Abby." Abby froze. It was the voice she had heard so many times in her dreams. Nah, it couldn't be him. She turned her head. Her eyes grew bigger and bigger. There he was standing in front of her. She saw Susan walk round the bed and took her daughter from her arms. Tears sprung into both their eyes. "Hi gorgeous."  
"I am dreaming right?" She asked Susan. Susan shook her head. "Your real. You are here, please tell me that you re here and I'm not just imagining it."  
"I'm here. I promise you I am never leaving you again." Tears began to spill down his cheeks. That was when she knew he was real. He hardly ever cried. He walked up to the side of the bed and bent down beside it. He cautiously put his hand out and touched her. She still felt the same. SO soft. "Abby I am so sorry for everything I put you through. I know what you must have felt while I was away. I missed you so much that you will never realise what I wanted to do while I was away from you. I couldn't cope without you beside me. I need you to live Abby. I love you with all my heart and will never love anyone anymore than you."  
Abby did not know what to say. She reached out with her hand to touch his face. He looked a little different. Thinner but tanned. He was still her Carter. Still the man she loved more than life itself. "I love you too." She whispered as she pulled his face closer to hers. Their lips seemed to fuse together as if had been only seconds from their last kiss, not six months.  
Their kissed lasted an eternity. Susan could not believe what she was seeing. It was what she had hoped for. She had wanted to see Abby happy again, with the smile that lit up her eyes, and it was back. That certain twinkle she got when Carter was around. The baby in her arms began to whimper causing Abby and Carer to break apart. "So are you going to introduce me to my daughter."  
Susan placed the little girl into her mothers' arms. "John, I'd like to introduce your daughter. She's 7lbs 6oz and beautiful."  
"Just like her mother." John said climbing onto the bed beside Abby. He gathered his girlfriend into his arms kissing her head while stroking his daughter's cheek. "Have you thought of names for her yet?"  
"Only one." Carter looked at her asking the question with his eyes. "How do you feel about Lucy Trueman Carter."  
"I think it suits her perfectly. Do you know what name sounds even better though?" John said taking his daughter into his arms. Abby looked confused by it all. "Abigail Carter."  
"Are you proposing?" Abby asked. John nodded. "Then I'm accepting." She told him as she reached for another kiss.  
Susan stood watching tears streaming down her face. "Can I interrupt for a minute and take a picture of the new family?"  
"Of course." After Susan had taken the picture Abby told her. "Susan I don't know what I would have done without you these last six months. There are no words to describe my feelings towards you. I can't thank you enough."  
"There is no need for thanks. Just look after each other and my little niece. She'll need her aunt Susan one day."  
Abby kissed her daughter and then her fiancé. She was so happy no words could describe how she felt. To think that six months ago she was ready for ending it all. Now look at her, Mother and about to be a wife to the man she never thought would be back.  
  
Author's notes:- Should I leave it here or should I go on. Please let me know. And I'msorry fro calling the baby Lucy but it just sounded so perfect whe I thought of it. 


End file.
